Thomas H. Chippering

Thomas is the protagonist of the novel. He is desperately in love with the idea of love and obsessively pines for his ex-wife, Lorna Sue. He plans to exact revenge on her after she leaves him for another man. For most of the novel, he suspects that Lorna Sue has engaged in an incestuous relationship with her brother. Herbie.

Thomas is plotting, deceitful and rarely does he pay attention to the feelings of the people surrounding him. Constantly chasing women regardless of his relationship status, he keeps a ledger of encounters with women that includes subcategories, tallying every interaction or flirtation he has ever had. He often finds himself in uncomfortable situations with women, where he ends up owing them favors as he is no match for their feminine charms. Interrupting others to talk about himself is a frequent habit of his.

He is a professor...