Summary

Brown writes that shame and perfectionism are connected as “where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking” and that “shame is the birthplace of perfectionism” (55). Brown advocates for reader who identify as perfectionists to claim the shame triggers that come with it. She also notes that perfectionism isn’t the same thing as striving to be one’s best or working on self-improvement. Instead, perfectionism is the belief that being perfect will avoid or minimize negative emotions and that it’s self-destructive because “perfection is an unattainable goal” that often backfires and leaves people feeling worse (57). To overcome perfectionism, Brown argues that we need to acknowledge our vulnerabilities, practice self-compassion, and embrace imperfections.

Brown uses the example of health and fitness to distinguish between perfectionism and healthy-striving. Perfectionism self-talk includes phrases like: “I’m fat and ugly” or “I’m ashamed of how...