A Smart Cunt: A Novella, Chapters 1-4 Summary

In Chapter 1, "Park Patrol," the narrator, Brian, is working at Inverleith Park in central Edinburgh. He picks the pockets of golfers to supplement his pay and save up to move to London. He has hidden a mattress, sleeping bag, and portable television in the attendants' office, where he secretly spends the night to avoid rent. Sometimes, he is too lazy to turn on the hot water for the football players' showers and then, to avoid the wrath of the players, he must concoct a complex story about a systemic problem the park management will not fix. He likes the sense of power this prank provides. He reads a great deal, but only biographies, which pleases the kindly manager, Mr. Garland. Later, the mobile Park Patrol arrives to ask about the showers...