Love and Pain are Inextricably Linked

Lily Wu learns very early that the love her mother has for her is entirely wrapped up in the pain she delivers to her. In fact, the Chinese word for mother means pain. The footbinding that a mother was obligated to do, was a terribly painful ritual in which her daughter's feet completely break down. Making her walk on her injured feet is the only way to get them to break, and the mother must force this, even if it means beatings. This is what will make the daughter lovable, and "marriageable."

The pain of marriage love, to Lily, involves "rupture" and is the picture of subservience. A new wife is expected to not only serve her new husband, but to serve his entire household, particularly his mother, doing the hardest work. She is also expected to bear and raise children, be available...