Act 1, Scene 9 Summary

The stage is set with a backdrop of huge Valentine cut-out hearts with the words "Little Old Lady Land" announcing the park-like location of this scene. Three little old ladies named Lick Me-Bite Me, Hold Me-Touch Me and Kiss Me-Feel Me stop their knitting and break into a song about their unhappy lives of useless pursuits, when all they really want is sex.

A spotlight hits Max, who solicits a check from Hold Me-Touch Me, who will not relinquish the money without a game of "The Hairless Chihuahua and the Well-Hung Great Dane." Max and Hold Me-Touch Me leave the park, but Max is soon seen pushing Lick Me-Bite Me on a swing until she hands over a check.

A whole chorus line of little old ladies with walkers begins to dance and sing about Max's prowess, and Max moves glibly...