"Well, you had a big old head, too, and not a lick of hair on it. Bless my corns, you were one ugly baby" (Chapter 1, pg. 5.)

"I didn't know it was a party for your grandmother's 90th birthday. Otherwise, I never would have gotten her the crotchless underwear and the coupon for a free nipple piercing" (Chapter 2, pg. 17.)

"The Great Spirit smiles on me. On me and only me. The Great Spirit hates everybody else. We're best friends" (Chapter 4, pg. 24.)

"It was in the mid-80's when it wasn't considered "cool" to know where you were" (Chapter 5, pg. 26.)

"The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were becoming really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows that we had then, like "The Flying Nun" (Chapter 7, pg. 60.)

"I went to a psychic or baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex" (Chapter...