"I worry about getting into the 'Guiness World Book of Records' under 'Pregnancy: Oldest Recorded Birth.' I worry what the dog thinks when he sees me coming out of the shower, that one of my children will marry an Eskimo who will set me adrift when I can no longer feed myself."—A Pair of White Socks in a Pantyhose World, p. 3.

"There are no records to prove it, mind you, but I have every reason to believe my husband was an eleven-month baby. And he's been running two months late ever since."—If You Thought the Wedding Was Bad, p. 15.

"A woman starts thinking of a name for her baby from the minute she knows she is carrying one. She will write it out, say it aloud, try it out on her friends, and embroider it on little shirts. When the baby is born...