The following version of this book was used to create the guide: Philpott, Mary Laura. I Miss You When I Blink. Simon and Schuster, 2019.

In the opening chapter of I Miss You When I Blink, Mary Laura Philpott explains to the reader how she came up with the name for the book, phrase derived from her six-year-old. It is a phrase that she discovered she could say to herself and helps her give more structure to her life. In her own identity crisis, Mary found that the phrase was helpful to remember "all the selves [she] simultaneously have been, am, and will be" (6). Mary describes a point in her life when she was depressed, despite her planning to do everything correctly. Mary reveals to the reader that she is "addicted to getting things right,” always trying to figure out the correct life choices and constantly in competition with herself (17-18).

Later in the book, Mary describes her relationship with her mother to provide some reasoning for her personality. She uses her school spelling bee to show how much her mother expected of her. Success was integral to Mary's upbringing, but she also tries to consider how her mother’s pressure might have also benefitted her life. In "Disappearing Act," Mary talks about her fainting spells that she has had ever since childhood. This often went hand-in-hand with moving, and she describes that her world would "disappear without notice" and she would leave her friends and life for another town with her family. As an adult, she still connects fainting and moving, but has learned to be better at accepting the unexpected.

In college, Mary had a toxic relationship that she explains, require[d] a lot of work" (59). She eventually traveled to London for a literature program, and this "change of scenery" helped her grow into her own and leave her toxic relationship (63). During a summer in college, Mary picked a summer internship where she had little to do and "ended up sitting in a closet for two months" (71). After graduating college, she began working as an analyst in a consulting firm. Although she hated her job, she also realized that she could be a copywriter and eventually left this job to write for the CDC.

Mary married her husband, John, early after college, explain that love is a feeling that is "crazy magic" (84). After getting married, Mary wants to fit in with her new neighbors, and, in attempting to "excel at homeownership" she got two dogs (91). This caused problems with their neighbors, and years later, Mary reflects on her inability to understand their complaints, and now can see that she was in the wrong.

In "Me Real," Mary discusses her fertility issues. While trying to conceive her second child, Mary began to have health issues and this reminds Mary of her own mother having to deal with Mary's inability to keep on weight as a baby. Her attachment and concern for her children is pervasive throughout the entirety of the memoir. In "The Expat Concept," Mary moves to Ireland and reflects on how her expectations for her and her family were not met with reality.

Mary also put immense efforts into volunteering where she describes herself wanting a little more structure, a little more sense of purpose, and some acknowledgment" (133). She quickly realized, however, the struggle she had in dealing with others and organizing such a big event. Her lack of connection to other people is something that is also explored in “Sports Radio.” She connects the boring nature of sports to the social interactions she started having in her late thirties, where she lacked meaningful conversations. Her thirties were also a time in which Mary tried to discover more about herself, taking up playing the guitar and talking about how this gave her the opportunity to try being someone else.

After Mary watches her daughter start to drown in the local pool, she thinks about the pain scale of life and determines that pain is pain, and there is little to guard against these difficult parts of life. At this point in the book, Mary describes how she is beginning to be depressed and unable to "keep going" (182). She explains that she felt like "a human traffic jam," all the people she ever wanted to be desperately trying to come out (184). Thus, Mary introduces the idea of living in separate places with her husband, John. Eventually, Mary let go of the idea, realizing that it made no sense, but explains that she "wanted to be unwitnessed for a while" (181). In trying to do this, Mary took an opportunity to house sit for a summer in Nashville where her only job was to take care of a cat. She wanted to "experience aloneness," and hoped that this change of scenery might give her a new perspective about herself (202). She eventually is able to confront her multiple senses of identities here. She also learns how to change things in her life to better work for her. After accepting a part-time job opportunity at a bookstore in Nashville, Mary started to consider moving, and while her family was positive about the idea, many of her friends were negative towards her decision. When they moved, things slowly started going out of control, but the family tried to make the best of the circumstances.

Mary’s life now begins to change, as she starts to have a difficult perspective towards many aspects of her life. She describes being part of "various accountability groups" where she tries to make each day count, but she also learns that sacrifices must be made (237). After landing a job at Us Weekly writing funny captions for the Fashion police spread, Mary describes the importance of quitting “the right thing at the right time" (256).

In the final chapter, Mary is being filmed for a talk show, where she has trouble acting normally. The editor and camera operator tells her, "Try it again, more like you" (265). Mary learned that making art is much more difficult than what appears in the final product. She explains that there are still parts of her that wish for everything to be perfect, but she now has "a crowd of selves" who can help her with her mistakes (271). Moreover, she has learned the important lesson "You can always start over" (271).