"Let's say a skion turns up, walks up to the Patrician, says 'What ho, I'm king here's the birthmark as per spec, now bugger off.'" Page 11

"And we will overthrow the cold tyrant and we will usher in a new age of enlightenment and fraternity and humanism and Ankh-Morpork will become a Utopia and people like Brother Plasterer will be roasted over slow fires if I have any say in the matter, which I will." Page 17

"He heard the muffled sounds coming from the nearby alley, slid his leather-bound cosh from his sleeve, waited until the victim was almost turning the corner, sprang out, said 'Oh, shi-' and died." Page 36

"My dear chap, the Watch are a bunch of incompetents commanded by a drunkard. It's taken me years to achieve it." Page 89

"The Librarian gave him the kind of look other people would reserve for people who...