Part 1, The Kaiser and the Queen of Morecambe Summary

In school, headmaster Colin Willacy gives prizes to the best finds on combined biology and art field trips to the beach. Cy, who has a knack for drawing, copies a picture of Pisces vaginales from a textbook and innocently asks Willacy what "genitalia" means. Marched to the office, Cy expects a birching but instead receives a lecture on sex, a loathsome subject he has no interest in. Cy shares this information with schoolmates and is beaten, as another world opens before his eyes.

Morecambe celebrates the coming armistice with a carnival. A line of Bathing Beauties parades barer than ever and Gaynor Shearer's erect nipples are a distinct favorite of Cy and his friends. When Cy arrives home, eyes glazed and gait obstructed, Reeda assumes he has overeaten. Mother...