Summary

Li travels to Ireland instead of admitting herself to a hospital, hoping that she will return from the trip as a different person. She argues with herself in her journals and resents the fact that she has formed attachments in her life. At the same time, she fears taking life seriously. The trip to Ireland is for a festival celebrating the Irish writer John McGahern whom Li dubs an autobiographical writer, in contrast to herself. Li writes that she hates using the word "I" and considers it melodramatic. Li remembers how, during her mandatory time in the Chinese army, she tried "to impress the world with personality" (28). She now considers this tedious and foolish.

The next section flashes forward to Li's second hospital stay, a few months after her trip to Ireland. For the first time, Li considers the idea that she is...