Summary

In Chapter 18, “A Prayer for Courage,” Ziyad tells Hari-Gaura their fear of “the suddenness of death” is “at the core of [their] anxiety” (251). Abandoning Hari-Gaura felt like a way to stave off death. They have since realized this was a misconception.

While FaceTiming with their friend Jahvaris, Ziyad smokes a cigarette. They have been overcome by anxiety of late. The pandemic has not helped. Although they have quit smoking many times, they have returned to them as a coping mechanism. They have also been drinking more. They talk to Jahvaris about their family’s regard for substances throughout their childhood. They remember crying the first time they saw their sister Bhakti smoke a cigarette. Although Jahvaris does not say much, Ziyad knows he understands their “need to escape” more than anyone (255). They wonder if they can find “real happiness” without fear and...