Summary

In Chapter 4, “A Prayer for Rest,” Ziyad writes to Hari-Gaura about their inability to sleep. Often they keep themself awake “with fears of keeping [themself] awake” (67). Such practices make them feel “like the loneliest person on the planet” (67). They often search for “the companionship” Hari-Gaura provided them in other people and habits (68). They have a fear of failure. They have been pursuing excellence since losing Hari-Gaura. Because of this, they often feel guilty for failing to be excellent. This leads to anxiety and self-flagellation. They wonder if Hari-Gaura is in their mind with them.

In Chapter 5, “D*mb Smart,” after moving to Cleveland Heights, Ziyad convinced their parents to let them attend school. They ask their parents now how they could afford to move to this more affluent neighborhood. Their parents’ reasons inspire Ziyad’s reflections on systemic racism and redlining. They consider...