The Satanists are a couple that Enid frequently sees eating at Angels, and according to the diner's cashier, the Satanists eat breakfast and lunch there every day. Enid and Rebecca become somewhat obsessed with the Satanists. Both Satanists carry umbrellas on sunny days to protect their incredibly pale skin from the sun. Enid and Rebecca run into the Satanists at the grocery store and are amused to discover that they are only purchasing Lunchables. Later in the story, Enid and Rebecca see the female Satanist outside a movie theater and eavesdrop on her to discover that the couple has split up and the male Satanist has moved to Florida.