The anonymous narrator's best friend, Alice from nearby Fulham, shares an inside joke with her about things, sharing the annoying perfection of Malcolm and Melissa's life. At the risk of destroying the myth, the narrator asks to bring Alice to Malcolm and Melissa's dinner party and has to spend the time leading up to the affair talking Alice out of going in a wild costume. Alice is solicitor (lawyer) specializing in domestic situations and sex discrimination. She is having an unsatisfactory love affair with a partner whose wife is often in the hospital. The narrator works in theater publicity and is sort of in love with a hopeless writer who loves too many people. They refer to one another's lovers as their Things.