Hay is the Kennedy Democrat who heckles Robert Rumfoord during his speech at the Lions Club. Hay argues loudly with the Commodore about politics and then argues with the narrator about a bathtub Hays says is defective. The Commodore mistakes this argument for the narrator's defense of his Republican opinion and approaches the narrator to install some storm windows for him. Hay's function in the story is, thus, to introduce the narrator to Rumfoord, if accidentally.