Why is Suzanne conflicted about the way she would write her own memoir in the novel, Lovers at the Chameleon Club, Paris 1932?

Suzanne criticizes Lily’s egotism in publishing her own memoirs about their time together in the Resistance and Suzanne’s desire to feel superior to Lily causes Suzanne to change her mind about whether or not to publish her own side of the story: she is torn between a desire to set the record straight and the desire to appear morally superior to those who have already published their own self-aggrandizing accounts.