What does Jamison hope never to have to experience again concerning her manic episodes?

She hopes never to have the kind of depressions that the illness brought her. Nor does she want the kind of emotional and physical pain that could make her crawl across the floor for months, slow her mind and body nearly to a standstill, and deaden her spirit with a life-in-death blankness and emptiness that could destroy work, pleasure and relationships.