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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What kind of life does the narrator say his father leads his mother?
(a) A lonely life.
(b) A queen's life.
(c) A skunk's life.
(d) A dog's life.

2. What does Jim give his fiance an eye like?
(a) An angry cat.
(b) A pregnant mother.
(c) A little dog.
(d) A little boy.

3. What is the name of Colin's cousin?
(a) Bert.
(b) Denise.
(c) Rachel.
(d) James.

4. Why does the man say he is fed up?
(a) He is in debt.
(b) His son has died.
(c) He has the police after him.
(d) His wife has left him.

5. What football position does the narrator compare his running at the chair to?
(a) Right back.
(b) Winger.
(c) Center forward.
(d) Center back.

6. What does the narrator say the goalkeeper turns into?
(a) A long armed gorilla.
(b) A deranged eagle.
(c) A leaping ape.
(d) A flying pig.

7. What is the narrator's friend watching at the pictures?
(a) Jungle Jim.
(b) Tarzan.
(c) Lassie.
(d) Penelope Pitstop.

8. What does Jim mother keep her house as clean as?
(a) A harem.
(b) A new pin.
(c) A hay loft.
(d) A brewery.

9. What does Lennox say he needs to take to the games?
(a) A flask.
(b) Glasses.
(c) Beer.
(d) A scarf.

10. What smell makes Lennox feel hungry?
(a) Pork-pies.
(b) Fish and chips.
(c) Mince-pies.
(d) Steak and kidney.

11. What does the narrator say the man has a face like?
(a) A poet.
(b) A junkie.
(c) A parson.
(d) A monkey.

12. What does the narrator say you can't hold to forever?
(a) Your future.
(b) Your father's coat tails.
(c) Your mam's apron strings.
(d) Your past.

13. What does the narrator's father suggest the narrator does to cheer himself up?
(a) Go to bed.
(b) Have a wash.
(c) Drink a cup of tea.
(d) Go to a party.

14. Where does the man say the boys will be sent if they are caught begging?
(a) Hell.
(b) Borstal.
(c) Australia.
(d) Prison.

15. What is the name of the newspaper Lennox asks his son to fetch him?
(a) Match.
(b) Shoot.
(c) Football Guardian.
(d) Football World.

Short Answer Questions

1. How does Bert say he earned his tuppence?

2. How has the old gypsy woman done her hair?

3. What does the author say Colin's legs are like as he tries to escape with Bert?

4. How does the narrator say he would get to Glasgow?

5. What kind of snake does the African woman have curled around her top?

(see the answer keys)

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