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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What story does Joan read to her class?
(a) The story of Beauty and the Beast.
(b) The story of Alice in Wonderland.
(c) The story of the three little pigs.
(d) The story of the wife who was a beautiful woman half the time, and a hag the other half.

2. On what day did Danny and Deborah meet?
(a) Thursday.
(b) Sunday.
(c) Wednesday.
(d) Friday.

3. What household item does Deborah feel Danny compares her to?
(a) A lamp.
(b) A teapot.
(c) A coffee maker.
(d) A toaster.

4. Where did Bernie and the girl meet?
(a) At Daly's.
(b) At Grunts.
(c) At Yak-Zies.
(d) At Commonwealth.

5. What does the girl pull out from under her bed?
(a) A live cat.
(b) A brand new Prada bag.
(c) A World War II flak suit.
(d) A video camera.

6. What confession does Danny make to Deborah?
(a) He is leaving town in the morning.
(b) He has stolen her money.
(c) He is in love with her.
(d) He is married.

7. When they make love, what does Deborah fantasize about?
(a) Other women.
(b) Celebrities.
(c) Bernie.
(d) Joan.

8. Where did Danny spot Deborah?
(a) In the park.
(b) At an upscale restaurant.
(c) At the public library.
(d) At the Art Institute.

9. What does Bernie tell Danny about power?
(a) Power is addictive.
(b) Power is atrocious.
(c) Power means danger.
(d) Power means responsibility.

10. What does Bernie tell Joan he does for a living?
(a) He tells her he is a meteorologist for TWA.
(b) He tells her he is the CEO of a company.
(c) He tells her he is a middle school teacher.
(d) He tells her he is a spy.

11. How does Bernie think he can attract women?
(a) By bringing them flowers.
(b) By treating them badly.
(c) By buying a new car.
(d) By wearing cologne.

12. What type of cigarettes does the girl purchase?
(a) Marlboros.
(b) Viceroys.
(c) Camels.
(d) American Spirits.

13. What aspects of Joan and Deborah does Danny attack?
(a) He attacks their ability to make love.
(b) He attacks their emotional instability.
(c) He attacks their taste in music.
(d) He attacks their sense of style.

14. Why does the girl invite Bernie to her room?
(a) She wants to show him a book she is reading.
(b) He has been locked out of his own room.
(c) She wants to pay him back for the cigarettes.
(d) He threatens her with a gun.

15. Who does Bernie think is working behind the game counter?
(a) A famous person.
(b) A prostitute.
(c) A homosexual.
(d) An old high school girlfriend.

Short Answer Questions

1. In what year does the play take place?

2. Where do Bernie and Danny go, presumably to make Danny feel better about his relationship?

3. What does Bernie throw at the girl after hitting her with the towel?

4. To what does Bernie compare the less fit girl at the beach?

5. What does Bernie claim an old girlfriend wanted him to do with a bicycle chain?

(see the answer keys)

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