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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. What is the name of the woman who finally hires David to paint her apartment?
(a) Tootie.
(b) Sandra.
(c) Uta.
(d) Ilsa.

2. Who tells about the little black girl who asked to touch her hair?
(a) The Spanish teacher.
(b) The author's sister.
(c) The math teacher.
(d) The author's mother.

3. What television program does the author fantasize about starring in one day?
(a) Socrates and Company.
(b) The A-Team.
(c) Bonnie and Clyde.
(d) Win a Gazillion Dollars.

4. What does the forklift operator have a collection of in his house?
(a) Artificial penises.
(b) Glass goblins.
(c) Ceramic gnomes.
(d) Rocks.

5. What would the author travel with in his fantasy television show?
(a) A talking parrot.
(b) A gorilla.
(c) A cat.
(d) A monkey.

6. What is the name of the forklift operator the author meets at the plant?
(a) Moe.
(b) Dusty.
(c) Jackson.
(d) Curly.

7. Who has drawn the author's name in the Christmas lottery for gifts?
(a) His father.
(b) Tiffany.
(c) Lisa.
(d) His mother.

8. Where does the author go to meet his hitchhiking friend after his second year in college?
(a) Mexico.
(b) San Francisco.
(c) Los Angeles.
(d) Delaware.

9. How many times has the author seen Planet of the Apes?
(a) Three times.
(b) Nine times.
(c) Sixteen times.
(d) Four times.

10. What does the author start a campaign to revive in North Carolina?
(a) Petticoats.
(b) Top hats.
(c) Elizabethan English.
(d) French.

11. How much money does David's coworker take from their boss's purse?
(a) $100.
(b) $50.
(c) $20.
(d) $30.

12. What does David figure out that Uta is?
(a) A prostitute.
(b) A lesbian.
(c) A mobster.
(d) A man.

13. What does the author's mother announce that she has two weeks before Lisa's wedding?
(a) Emphysema.
(b) An aneurysm.
(c) Diabetes.
(d) Lung cancer.

14. What is the name of the author's first roommate at Kent State?
(a) Jeffrey.
(b) Todd.
(c) Jack.
(d) James.

15. Who is the only person who responds to the author's lengthy letters while at the apple orchard?
(a) Lisa.
(b) Veronica.
(c) His father.
(d) Amy.

Short Answer Questions

1. Where does the orchard owner suggest David take a job?

2. Where does the author's sister work as an after-school job?

3. Who is labeled as an "incomplete quad"?

4. Who is the author's friend who shares a fascination with acting in Naked?

5. Where in Oregon is the author going in "C.O.G."?

(see the answer keys)

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