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This test consists of 15 multiple choice questions and 5 short answer questions.

Multiple Choice Questions

1. How does Ellen say celebrities are spotted?
(a) The helicopters give them away.
(b) Their entourage gets attention.
(c) They twinkle.
(d) They put off a scent.

2. What did Ellen give thanks for in her daily prayers?
(a) All of these.
(b) Having her dogs.
(c) Finding a parking spot.
(d) Living her dream.

3. Who does Ellen say she blames when tripping on the sidewalk?
(a) Her entourage.
(b) Her partner.
(c) The sidewalk.
(d) Herself.

4. What happened when Ellen was trying to get help at the hospital?
(a) She was ignored.
(b) She was asked to perform.
(c) She was not believed.
(d) She was laughed at.

5. What does Ellen imagine picking up instead of a frisbee?
(a) A rat.
(b) A bat.
(c) A cat.
(d) A hat.

6. What does Ellen talk about in Chapter 18?
(a) Acting.
(b) Singing.
(c) Dancing.
(d) Laughing.

7. How does Ellen say never to get out of a ticket?
(a) Bribing.
(b) Joking.
(c) Kissing.
(d) Pleading.

8. What group does Ellen say should always be rescued first off a sinking boat?
(a) Children.
(b) Celebrities.
(c) Elderly.
(d) Women.

9. What does Ellen do for stray dogs?
(a) Adopt them.
(b) Take them to shelters.
(c) Take them to the vet.
(d) Sell them.

10. What habit does Ellen call idiotic?
(a) Overindulging pets.
(b) Talking to herself.
(c) Picking at scabs.
(d) Leaving lights on.

11. What was Ellen asked to explain to an alien on her advice column?
(a) Swimming pools.
(b) Sushi.
(c) Chewing gum.
(d) Baby diapers.

12. Why is the 14th chapter left blank?
(a) So there will not be a 13th chapter.
(b) She hates the number 14.
(c) She couldn't remember what she wanted to put there.
(d) She is making her book longer.

13. What does Ellen think was in her house when she wrote this book?
(a) Old messages.
(b) A ghost.
(c) Dust.
(d) Strange spirits.

14. How was Ellen raised in regard to religion?
(a) As a believer with a mind.
(b) As a Christian Scientist.
(c) As a Baptist.
(d) As an agnostic.

15. What does Ellen say is the main difference between being a celebrity and being celibate?
(a) Celebrities are happy.
(b) Celebrities are never celibate.
(c) Celebrities are not religious.
(d) Celbrities can have sex.

Short Answer Questions

1. What is the title of Chapter 15?

2. What does Ellen say her awards show would turn into?

3. How does Ellen say one should look when removing chewing gum from their mouth?

4. What does Ellen suggest whistling when stuck on an elevator?

5. What does Ellen say should never be put on dolphins?

(see the answer keys)

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