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Raymond Lee Hart (a.k.a Ray, Stick, Stickman, Carl Spackler)

As the narrator and protagonist of the story, this character's rocky background and family issues often thwart his attempts at success.

Two Down (a.k.a Leonard Petrovitz)

As the instigator of schemes in high school and the present day, this character drives much of the plot with the invention of The Bet.

Danielle Higgins (a.k.a Dannie)

As an employee where the narrator golfs, this character becomes obsessed with the wealth and opportunity of the exclusive golf course, seeing it as a way to escape a poor upbringing.

William Davenport Hart

This character has experienced much success in life but has a broken family life because of intolerance for anything less than perfection and strong career ambitions.

Chunkin' Charlie

This character is loved by the narrator because of a similarity to the narrator's uncle.

Thud (a.k.a. The Almost Human, Thaddeus Jones)

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