that time; but I don’t believe even Genevieve, though she knows she may, can dwell upon the thought as I did, in just the way to bring punishment.  And so I thought, by-and-by, at the caricature time, that I was punished.  I looked into the fallacy, when I had got over the temper and the pride, and I saw it all clear, and owned I was rightly served, for it had been an earthly aim, and an idol worship.  Well, the foolish hope came back again, but indeed, indeed, I think I was the better for all the chastening; I had seen grandmamma die, I was fresh from hearing of Gilbert, and I did feel as I never had done before, that God was first.  I don’t believe that feeling had passed, though the folly came back, and made me feel glad to love all the world.  There were—­gleams of religions thought’—­she spoke with difficulty, but her face had a strange beauty—­’that taught me how, if I was more good—­there could be a fulness of joy that all the rest flowed out from.  And so when misgivings came, and I saw at times how little he could care for me—­oh! it was pain enough, but not the worst sort.  And yet I don’t know—­’ She turned away and hid her face on the pillow.  It was agony, though still, as she had said, not the worst, untempered by faith or resignation.  What a history of that apparently cold, sullen, impassive spirit! what an unlocking of pent-up mysteries!

‘It has been blessed to you,’ said Albinia, affectionately.  ’My dear, we always thought your character one that wanted the softening of such—­an attachment.  Perhaps that made me wrongly eager for it, and ready to imagine where I ought not; I think it did soften you; but if you had not conquered what was earthly and exaggerated in it, how it would be hardening and poisoning you now!’

‘I hope I may have,’ sighed Sophy, as if she were doubtful.

’Then will you not listen to me?  You have done nobly so far, and I know your feelings will be right in the main; but do you think you can bear the perpetual irritation of being neglected, and seeing—­what I must call rather a parade of his preference?’

‘I think it would be the best cure,’ said Sophy; ’it would make me feel it real, and I could be glad to see him—­them—­so happy—­’

’I don’t know how to judge!  I don’t know whether it be right for you to have him always before your mind.’

‘He would be so all the more while I was away with nothing to do,’ said Sophy; ’fancy might be worse than fact.  You don’t know how I used to forget the nonsense when he had been ten minutes in the room, because it was just starved out.  Now, when it will be a sin, I believe that strength will be given me to root it out;’ her look grew determined, but she gasped for breath.

‘And your bodily strength, my dear?’

‘If I should be ill, then it would be natural to go away,’ said Sophy, smiling; ’but I don’t think I shall be.  This is only the end of my fever to see it settled.  Now I am thankful, and my heart has left off throbbing when I am still.  I shall be all right to-morrow.’