Oldramshackle comets

that have not been inspected or overhauled in 10,000 years, and which ought long ago to have been destroyed or turned into hail-barges, but with these we have no connection whatever.  Steerage passengers not allowed abaft the main hatch.

Complimentary round-trip tickets have been tendered to General Butler, Mr. Shepherd, Mr. Richardson, and other eminent gentlemen, whose public services have entitled them to the rest and relaxation of a voyage of this kind.  Parties desiring to make the round trip will have extra accommodation.  The entire voyage will be completed, and the passengers landed in New York again, on the 14th of December, 1991.  This is, at least, forty years quicker than any other comet can do it in.  Nearly all the back-pay members contemplate making the round trip with us in case their constituents will allow them a holiday.  Every harmless amusement will be allowed on board, but no pools permitted on the run of the comet —­no gambling of any kind.  All fixed stars will be respected by us, but such stars as seem, to need fixing we shall fix.  If it makes trouble, we shall be sorry, but firm.

Mr. Coggia having leased his comet to us, she will no longer be called by his name, but by my partner’s.  N. B.—­Passengers by paying double fare will be entitled to a share in all the new stars, suns, moons, comets, meteors, and magazines of thunder and lightning we may discover.  Patent-medicine people will take notice that

We carry bulletin-boards

and a paint-brush along for use in the constellations, and are open to terms.  Cremationists are reminded that we are going straight to—­some hot places—­and are open to terms.  To other parties our enterprise is a pleasure excursion, but individually we mean business.  We shall fly our comet for all it is worth.

For further particulars,

or for freight or passage, apply on board, or to my partner, but not to me, since I do not take charge of the comet until she is under way.  It is necessary, at a time like this, that my mind should not be burdened with small business details.

MarkTwain.

Running for Governor—­[Written about 1870.]

A few months ago I was nominated for Governor of the great state of New York, to run against Mr. John T. Smith and Mr. Blank J. Blank on an independent ticket.  I somehow felt that I had one prominent advantage over these gentlemen, and that was—­good character.  It was easy to see by the newspapers that if ever they had known what it was to bear a good name, that time had gone by.  It was plain that in these latter years they had become familiar with all manner of shameful crimes.  But at the very moment that I was exalting my advantage and joying in it in secret, there was a muddy undercurrent of discomfort “riling” the deeps of my happiness, and that was—­the having to hear my name bandied about in familiar connection with those of such people.  I grew more and more disturbed.  Finally I wrote my grandmother about it.  Her answer came quick and sharp.  She said: