At this the sinner takes some encouragement; yet he can get no more than that which will hang upon a mere probability, which, by the next doubt that ariseth in the heart, is blown quite away, and the soul left again in its first plight, or worse; where he lamentably bewails his miserable state, and is tormented with a thousand fears of perishing; for he hears not a word from heaven, perhaps for several weeks together.  Wherefore unbelief begins to get the mastery of him, and takes off the very edge and spirit, of prayer, and inclination to hear the word any longer; yea, the devil also claps in with these thoughts, saying, “All your prayers, and hearing, and reading, and godly company, which you frequent, will rise up in judgment against you at last; therefore better it is, if you must be damned, to choose as easy a place in hell as you can.”

The soul at this being quite discouraged, thinks to do as it has been taught, and with dying thoughts it begins to faint when it goes to prayer or to hear the word.  But behold, when all hope seems to be quite gone, and the soul concludes, “I die, I perish,” in comes on a sudden the Spirit of God again, with some good word of God which the soul never thought of before; which word of God commands a calm in the soul, makes unbelief give place, encourages to hope and wait upon God again:  perhaps it gives some little sight of Christ to the soul, and of his blessed undertaking for sinners.

But behold, so soon as the power of things again begins to wear off the heart, the sinner gives place to unbelief, questions God’s mercy, and fears damning again.  He also entertains hard thoughts of God and Christ, and thinks former encouragements were fancies, delusions, or mere think-sos.

And why doth not God now cast the sinner to hell, for thus abusing his mercy and grace?  O no:  “He will have mercy on whom he will have mercy, and he will have compassion on whom he will have compassion;” wherefore goodness and mercy shall follow him all the days of his life, that he may dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

6.  God, therefore, after all these provocations, comes by his Spirit to the soul again, and brings sealing grace and pardon to the conscience, testifying to it that its sins are forgiven and that freely, for the sake of the blood of Christ.  And now has the sinner such a sight of the grace of God in Christ, as kindly breaks his heart with joy and comfort.  Now the soul knows what it is to eat promises; it also knows what it is to eat and drink the flesh and blood of Jesus Christ by faith; now it is driven by the power of his grace to its knees, to thank God for forgiveness of sins and for hopes of an inheritance among them that are sanctified by faith which is in Christ; now it has a calm and a sunshine; now “he washes his steps with butter, and the rock pours him out rivers of oil.”

7.  But after this, perhaps the soul grows cold again; it also forgets the grace received, and waxes carnal; begins again to hanker after the world; loseth the life and savor of heavenly things; grieves the Spirit of God; wofully backslides; casteth off closet duties quite, or else retains only the formality of them; is a reproach to religion, and grieves the heart of them that are awake and tender of God’s name.