I prayed to God, in prison, that he would comfort me, and give me strength to do and suffer what he should call me to; yet no comfort appeared, but all continued hid.  I was also at this time so really possessed with the thought of death, that oft I was as if on the ladder with a rope about my neck:  only this was some encouragement to me:  I thought I might now have an opportunity to speak my last words unto a multitude, which I supposed would come to see me die; and thought I, if it must be so, if God will but convert one soul by my last words, I shall not count my life thrown away nor lost.

But yet all the things of God were kept out of my sight, and still the tempter followed me with, But whither must you go when you die?  What will become of you?  Where will you be found in another world?  What evidence have you for heaven and glory, and an inheritance among them that are sanctified?  Thus was I tossed for many weeks, and knew not what to do; at last, this consideration fell with weight upon me, That it was for the word and way of God that I was in this condition; wherefore, I was engaged not to flinch a hair’s breadth from it.

I thought, also, that God might choose whether he would give me comfort now, or at the hour of death; but I might not therefore choose whether I would hold my profession or no.  I was bound, but he was free:  yea, it was my duty to stand to his word, whether he would ever look upon me, or save me at the last.  Wherefore, thought I, the point being thus, I am for going on and venturing my eternal state with Christ, whether I have comfort here or no:  if God doth not come in, thought I, I will leap off the ladder even blindfold into eternity, sink or swim, come heaven come hell.  Lord Jesus, if thou wilt catch me, do; if not, I will venture for thy name.

Before I had got thus far out of these my temptations, I did greatly long to see some ancient godly man’s experience, who had writ some hundreds of years before I was born; for those who had writ in our days, I thought—­but I desire them now to pardon me—­that they had writ only that which others felt; or else had, through the strength of their wits and parts, studied to answer such objections as they perceived others were perplexed with, without going themselves down into the deep.  Well, after many such longings in my mind, the God in whose hands are all our days and ways, did cast into my hand one day a book of Martin Luther’s:  it was his Comment on the Galatians; it was also so old that it was ready to fall piece from piece, if I did but turn it over.  Now I was pleased much that such an old book had fallen into my hands; the which when I had but a little way perused, I found my condition in his experience so largely and profoundly handled, as if this book had been written out of my heart.  This made me marvel; for thus thought I, this man could not know any thing of the state of Christians now, but must needs write and speak the experience of former days.