Early the next morning Miss Planta came to me from the queen, to desire I would not be uneasy in missing my attendance, and that I would think of nothing but how to take care of myself.  This, however, was not all, for soon after she came herself, not only to my room, but to my bedside, and, after many enquiries, desired me to say sincerely what I should do if I had been so attacked at home.

A blister, I said, was all I could devise; and I had one accordingly, which cured the head, and set me at ease.  But the fever had been long gathering, and would not so rapidly be dismissed.  I kept my bed this day and the next.  The third day I was sufficiently better to quit my bed and bedroom ; and then I had not only another visit from the queen, but also from the two eldest princesses.

Tuesday, Jan. 16-Was the day appointed for removing to town for the winter; from which time we were only to come to Windsor for an occasional day or two every week.

I received a visit, just before I set out, from the king.  He came in alone, and made most gracious enquiries into my health, and whether I was sufficiently recovered for the journey.

The four days of my confinement, from the fever after the pain, were days of meditation the most useful:  I reflected upon all my mental sufferings in the last year; their cause seemed inadequate to their poignancy.  In the hour of sickness and confinement, the world, in losing its attractions, forfeits its regrets :-a new train of thinking, a new set of ideas, took possession of all my faculties ; a steady plan, calm, yet no longer sad, deliberately formed itself in my mind; my affliction was already subsided; I now banished, also, discontent.  I found myself as well off, upon reflection, as I could possibly merit, and better, by comparison, than most of those around me.  The beloved friends of my own heart 447

had joined me unalterably, inviolably to theirs —­who, in number, who, in kindness, has more?

Now, therefore, I took shame to myself, and resolved to be And my success has shown me how far less chimerical than it appears is such a resolution.  To be patient under two disappointments now no longer recent;—­to relinquish, without repining, frequent intercourse with those I love;—­to settle myself in my monastery, without one idea of ever quitting it; to study for the approbation of my lady abbess, and make it a principal source of content, as well as spring of action; -and to associate more cheerily with my surrounding nuns and monks;—­these were the articles which were to support my resolution.

I thank God I can tell my dearest friends I have observed them all; and, from the date of this illness to the time in which I am now drawing out my memorandums, I can safely affirm I know not that I have made one break with myself in a single promise here projected.

And now, I thank God, the task is at an end;-what I began from principle, and pursued from resolution, is now a mere natural conduct.  My destiny is fixed, and my mind is at ease; nay, I even think, upon the whole, that my lot Is, altogether, the best that can betide me, except for one flaw in its very vitals, which subjects me at times, to a tyranny wholly subversive of all power of tranquillity.