could disguise my trepidation no longer—­indeed I never had disguised, I had only forborne proclaiming it.  But my dear father now, sweet soul ! felt it all, as I held by his arm, without power to say one word, but that if he did not hurry along I should drop by the way.  I heard in his kind voice that he was now really alarmed ; he would have slackened his pace, or have made me stop to breathe; but I could not; my breath seemed gone, and I could only hasten with all my might, lest my strength should go too.

A page was in waiting at the gate, who shewed us ’Into Mrs. Haggerdorn’s room, which was empty.  My dear father endeavoured here to compose my spirits; I could have no other command over them than to forbear letting him know the afflicted state of all within, and to suffer him to keep to his own conclusions, that my emotion was all from fear of the approaching audience.

The page came in a minute or two to summon me to the queen.  The queen was in her dressing-room.  Mrs. Schwellenberg was standing behind her :  nobody else present.

She received me with a most gracious bow of the head, and a smile that was all sweetness.  She saw me much agitated, and attributed it, no doubt, to the awe of her presence.  O, she little knew my mind had no room in it for feelings of that sort!  She talked to me of my journey, my father, my sisters, and my brothers; the weather, the roads, and Mrs. Delany, any, every thing she could suggest, that could best tend to compose and to make me easy; and when I had been with her about a quarter of an hour, she desired Mrs. Schwellenberg to shew me my apartment, and, with another graceful bow, motioned my retiring.

Not only to the sweet queen, but to myself let me here do justice, in declaring that though I entered her presence with a heart filled with everything but herself, I quitted it with sensations much softened.  The condescension of her efforts to quiet me, and the elegance of her receiving me, thus, as a visitor, without naming to me a single direction, without even the most distant hint of business, struck me to shew so much delicacy, as well as graciousness, that I quitted her with a very deep sense of her goodness, and a very strong conviction that she merited every exertion on my part to deserve it.

Mrs. Schwellenberg left me,—­at the room door, where my dear father was still waiting for me, too anxious to depart till he again saw me. 336

We spent a short time together, in which I assured him I would from that moment take all the happiness in my power, and banish all the regret.  I told him how gratifying had been my reception, and I omitted nothing I could think of to remove the uneasiness that this day seemed first to awaken in him Thank God !  I had the fullest success; his hopes and gay expectations were all within call, and they ran back at the first beckoning.

This settled, and his dear countenance all fresh illumined with returning content, we went together to Mrs. Schwellenherg, where we made a visit of about an hour, in which I had the pleasure of seeing them upon very amicable terms ; and then we had one more t`ete-`a-t`ete all in the same cheering style, and he left me to drest, and went to dine with Mrs. Delany.