Well, says Eldad, I hope I may be skinned if the same thing did’nt een amost happen to me at my examination.  They axed me a nation sight of questions, some on ’em I could answer, and some on ’em no soul could, right off the reel at a word, without a little cypherin; at last they axed me, “How would you calculate to put a patient into a sweat, when common modes would’nt work no how?” Why, says I, I’d do as Dr. Comfort Payne sarved father; and how was that, said they.  Why, says I, he put him into such a sweat as I never seed him in afore, in all my born days, since I was raised, by sending him in his bill, and if that did’nt sweat him it’s a pity; it was an active dose you may depend.  I guess that are chap has cut his eye teeth, said the President, let him pass as approbated.

They both knowed well enough, they only made as if they did’nt, to poke a little fun at them, for the Slick family were counted in a general way to be pretty considerable cute.

They reckon themselves here, a chalk above us Yankees, but I guess they have a wrinkle or two to grow afore they progress ahead on us yet.  If they hant got a full cargo of conceit here, then I never seed a load, that’s all.  They have the hold chock full, deck piled up to the pump handles, and scuppers under water.  They larnt that of the British, who are actilly so full of it, they remind me of Commodore Trip.  When he was about half shaved he thought every body drunk but himself.  I never liked the last war, I thought it unnateral, and that we hadnt ought to have taken hold of it at all, and so most of our New England folks thought; and I wasn’t sorry to hear Gineral Dearborne was beat, seeing we had no call to go into Canada.  But when the Guerriere was captivated by our old Ironsides, the Constitution, I did feel lifted up amost as high as a stalk of Varginey corn among Connecticut middlins; I grew two inches taller I vow, the night I heerd that news.  Brag, says I, is a good dog, but hold fast is better.  The British navals had been a braggin and a hectorin so long, that when they landed in our cities, they swaggered een amost as much as Uncle Peleg (big Peleg as he was called), and when he walked up the centre of one of our narrow Boston streets, he used to swing his arms on each side of him, so that folks had to clear out of both foot paths; he’s eat, afore now, the fingers of both hands agin the shop windows on each side of the street.  Many the poor feller’s cruper bone he’s smashed, with his great thick boots, a throwin out his feet afore him een amost out of sight, when he was in full rig a swigglin away at the top of his gait.  Well they cut as many shines as Uncle Peleg.  One Frigate they guessed would captivate, sink, or burn our whole navy.  Says a naval one day, to the skipper of a fishing boat that he took, says he, is it true Commodore Decatur’s sword is made of an old iron hoop?  Well, says the skipper, I’m not quite certified as to that, seein as I never sot eyes on it; but I guess if he gets a chance he’ll shew you the temper of it some of these days, any how.