to frighten folks with, and to shew what swordsmen they be, a cuttin and a thrustin at phantoms that only exist in their own brains, would turn to, heart and hand, and develope the resources of this fine country, facilitate the means of transport—­promote its internal improvement, and entourage its foreign trade, they would make it the richest and greatest, as it now is one of the happiest sections of all America—­I hope I may be skinned if they would’nt—­they would I swan.

No.  XIX

The Clockmaker Quilts a Blue Nose.

The descendants of Eve have profited little by her example.  The curiosity of the fair sex is still insatiable, and, as it is often ill directed, it frequently terminates in error.  In the country this feminine propensity is troublesome to a traveller, and he who would avoid importunities, would do well to announce at once, on his arrival at a Cumberland Inn, his name and his business, the place of his abode and the length of his visit.  Our beautiful hostess, Mrs. Pugwash, as she took her seat at the breakfast table this morning, exhibited the example that suggested these reflections.  She was struck with horror at our conversation, the latter part only of which she heard, and of course misapplied and misunderstood.  She was run down by the President, said I, and has been laid up for some time.  Gulard’s people have stripped her, in consequence of her making water so fast.  Stripped whom? said Mrs. Pugwash, as she suddenly dropped the teapot from her hand; stripped whom,—­for heaven’s sake tell me who it is?  The Lady Ogle, said I. Lady Ogle, said she, how horrid!  Two of her ribs were so broken as to require to be replaced with new ones.  Two new ribs, said she, well I never heer’d the beat of that in all my born days; poor critter, how she must have suffered.  On examining her below the waist they found—­Examining her still lower, said she (all the pride of her sex revolting at the idea of such an indecent exhibition,) you don’t pretend to say they stripped her below the waist; what did the Admiral say?  Did he stand by and see her handled in that way?  The Admiral, madam, said I, did not trouble his head about it.  They found her extremely unsound there, and much worm eaten.  Worm eaten, she continued, how awful! it must have been them nasty jiggers, that got in there; they tell me they are dreadful thick in the West Indies; Joe Crow had them in his feet, and lost two of his toes.  Worm eaten, dear, dear!! but still that aint so bad as having them great he fellows strip one.  I promise you if them Gulards had undertaken to strip me, I’d a taught them different guess manners; I’d a died first before I’d a submitted to it.  I always heerd tell the English quality ladies were awful bold, but I never heerd the like o’ that.