By the way, lest I forget, I shall mention the fact that I destroyed my “Diary of a Prisoner” that night.  I had long wished to do it, but the natural pity and faint-hearted love which we feel for our blunders and our shortcomings restrained me; besides, there was nothing in my “Diary” that could have compromised me in any way.  And if I have destroyed it now it is due solely to my desire to throw my past into oblivion and to save my reader from the tediousness of long complaints and moans, from the horror of sacrilegious cursings.  May it rest in peace!

CHAPTER VI

Having conveyed to the Warden of our prison the contents of my conversation with K., I asked him not to punish the young man for spoiling the walls, which would thus betray me, and I, to save the youth, suggested the following plan, which was accepted by the Warden after a few purely formal objections.

“It is important for him,” I said, “that his drawings should be preserved, but it is apparently immaterial to him in whose possession these drawings are.  Let him, then, avail himself of his art, paint your portrait, Mr. Warden, and after that the portraits of the entire staff of your officials.  To say nothing of the honour you would show him by this condescension—­an honour which he will surely know how to appreciate—­the painting may be useful to you as a very original ornament in your drawing room or study.  Besides, nothing will prevent us from destroying the drawings if we should not care for them, for the naive and somewhat selfish young man apparently does not even admit the thought that anybody’s hand would destroy his productions.”

Smiling, the Warden suggested, with a politeness that flattered me extremely, that the series of portraits should commence with mine.  I quote word for word that which the Warden said to me: 

“Your face actually calls for reproduction on canvas.  We shall hang your portrait in the office.”

The zeal of creativeness—­these are the only words I can apply to the passionate, silent agitation in which K. reproduced my features.  Usually talkative, he now maintained silence for hours, leaving unanswered my jests and remarks.

“Be silent, old man, be silent—­you are at your best when you are silent,” he repeated persistently, calling forth an involuntary smile by his zeal as a professional.

My portrait would remind you, my indulgent reader, of that mysterious peculiarity of artists, according to which they very often transmit their own feelings, even their external features, to the subject upon which they are working.  Thus, reproducing with remarkable likeness, the lower part of my face, where kindness and the expression of authoritativeness and calm dignity are so harmoniously blended, K. undoubtedly introduced into my eyes his own suffering and even his horror.  Their fixed, immobile gaze; madness glimmering somewhere in their depth; the painful eloquence of a deep and infinitely lonely soul—­all that was not mine.