Antonius.  Here, here!  What the devil are you doing?

Herman.  I have no intention of doing anything; on the contrary, I am about to hang myself to avoid everything.  If you will keep me company, it will be a pleasure to me.

Antonius.  Indeed I will not; but what brings you to such a desperate intention?

Herman.  Listen, Antonius! it won’t do any good to discuss it.  I am to be hanged; if it doesn’t happen to-day, it will happen to-morrow.  I only beg, before I die, that you will pay my respects to Madam Burgomaster and the young lady, and instruct them to give me the following epitaph: 

    Traveller, stand and heed! 
          Here hangs
  Burgomaster von Bremenfeld,
 Who in his whole term of office
  Spent not a minute in sleep: 
   Go forth and do likewise.

You may not know, dear Antonius, that I have been made burgomaster, that I have attained a position in which I don’t know black from white, and where I find myself utterly incompetent; for I have observed, from the various tribulations which I have already met, that there is a great difference between being the government and criticising the government.

Antonius.  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Herman.  Don’t laugh at me, Antonius!  It is a sin to do it.

Antonius.  Ha, ha, ha!  Now I see how it all works out.  I was at the inn just now, and I heard people there bursting with laughter over a joke which had been played on Herman von Bremen, who had been made to believe by some young men that he had been elected burgomaster, to see how he would act.  That pained me through and through and I came straight here, to warn you.

Herman.  Ah, then I’m not a burgomaster at all?

Antonius.  No; the story was made out of whole cloth, to show you the foolishness of arguing about high subjects that you don’t understand.

Herman.  Then it’s not true about the foreign president?

Antonius.  Certainly not.

Herman.  Or the master hatter either?

Antonius.  All fabricated.

Herman.  Nor the sailors?

Antonius.  No, no.

Herman.  To the devil with hanging, then!  Geske!  Engelke!  Peiter! 
Henrich!  Come here, all of you!

SCENE 11

(Enter Geske, Engelke, Peiter, Henrich.)

Herman.  My dear wife!  Go back to work; our burgomaster business is all over.

Geske.  Over?

Herman.  If I were sure that you used that title out of malice, it would go hard with you.

Henrich.  No, indeed, I didn’t, master, but it’s hard to get things straight again so quickly.

Herman.  Take hands, you two.  So, that’s the way.  To-morrow we shall have a wedding.  Henrich!