Herman.  Which is right, then?

Henrich.  That our Lord and the burgomaster must know.

Herman (gets up and walks to and fro).  This is devilish nonsense, Henrich!  Can’t you tell me, you stupid animal, who is right?  Why should I give a dog like you board and wages? (A racket outside.) What’s the noise in the hall?

Henrich.  The two citizens have each other by the hair.

Herman.  Go out and bid them respect the burgomaster’s house.

Henrich.  It is better, sir, to let them fight, so they may perhaps become good friends again all the sooner.  Gracious!  I think they will break in; listen how they are beating on the door! (Herman crawls under the table.) Who knocks?

A lackey (outside).  I have come from a foreign resident.  My master has something to discuss with the burgomaster which is most important.

Henrich.  Where the deuce is the burgomaster?  Has the devil flown off with the burgomaster?  Mr. Burgomaster!

Herman (under the tables-whispering).  Henrich!  Who was that?

Henrich.  A foreign president wants to talk with your Honor.

Herman.  Tell him to come again in half an hour, and say that there are two hat-makers here to see me whom I must despatch.  Henrich!  Ask the citizens to go away till to-morrow.  Oh, God help me, poor man!  I am so jumbled up in my head that I don’t know myself what I am saying or doing.  Can’t you help me to get it straightened out, Henrich?

Henrich (returning from the door), I know no better advice for his Honor than to go and hang himself.

Herman.  Go and get me The Political Stockfish.  It is lying on the sitting-room table—­a German book in a white binding.  Perhaps I can find in it how I should receive foreign presidents.

Henrich.  Does the burgomaster want mustard and butter with it?

Herman.  No, it is a book in a white binding. (Exit Henrich.  While he is gone Herman absent-mindedly tears the hatters’ document to pieces.  Reenter Henrich with the book.}

Henrich.  Here is the book.  But what is it, sir, that you are tearing up?  I believe it’s the master hatters’ complaint.

Herman.  Oh, I did that without thinking. (He takes the book and throws it on the floor.) I believe, Henrich, I had better take your advice and hang myself.

Henrich.  Oh, Lord!  Another knock! (Exit.  Reenter in tears.) Oh, Mr. Burgomaster!  Help, Mr. Burgomaster!

Herman.  What’s up?

Henrich.  There is a whole regiment of sailors in front of the door yelling, “If we don’t get justice, we shall smash all the burgomaster’s windows in.”  One of them hit me in the back with a stone.  Oh, oh, oh!

Herman (crawls under the table again).  Henrich, ask Madam Burgomaster to come hold them in check.  They may show respect for a woman.