which they cause to be woven of beaver—­indeed they even descend to the dismal audacity of having stockings made of it—­though it is well known that beaver-hair belongs exclusively to our profession, whereby we poor hatters are unable at any price to obtain the hair necessary for the pursuit of our means of subsistence, especially as good people have got into such a way that few will pay, as they used to do, from ten to twenty rix-dollars for a hat, to the irreparable damage of the reputation and profit of our trade.  If it might now please his Magnificence the Burgomaster to consider the appended twenty-four weighty causes and reasons which have led us hat-makers presumably to presume that we alone are entitled to work in beaver, to wit: 

(1) that since ancient times it has been a universal usage and custom of the country, not only this country but over the whole world, to wear beaver hats, as can be proved by manifold citations from history and by legally sworn witnesses, (a) As to history—­”

Herman.  Skip the history.

Henrich. “(b) As to witnesses, Adrian Nilsen, in the seventy-ninth year of his age, can remember that his father’s great-grandfather said—­”

Herman.  Skip what he said, too.

Henrich. “(2) That it is an immoderate luxury to use such expensive hair for stockings and clothes, a practice at variance with all good order and usage, especially since there are so many expensive cloths imported from England, France, and Holland that one might well be satisified without depriving an honest man of his living—­”

Herman.  Enough, enough!  Henrich!  I see that the master is right.

Henrich.  But I have heard that an official ought always to hear both sides before he makes his decision.  Shall I not read the opponents’ retort also?

Herman.  To be sure. (He hands him the other memorial.)

Henrich (reads).  “High-born Excellency, highly enlightened and highly statesmanlike Burgomaster.  As high as your understanding soars above others’, so high soared my joy above others’ when I heard that you had become burgomaster; but what I have come for is because the hatters are annoying me and do not want to let me sell fabrics and stockings made of beaver.  I understand well enough what they want:  they want to have the business in beaver all to themselves and have beaver used for nothing but hats; but they do not understand the situation.  It is idiotic to wear beaver hats:  men go about with them under their arms, they are neither warm nor useful, and a straw hat would do just as well.  On the other hand, beaver stockings and clothing are both warm and soft, and if the burgomaster had only tried them, as he may in time, he would see for himself.”

Herman.  Stop, that is enough; this man is right, too.

Henrich.  But I am sure they can’t both be right.