“Now,” said the Superior, as I rose from my knees, “you must learn every word of that prayer before to-morrow night, or go without your supper.”  I tried my best to remember it, but with so little instruction, for she repeated it to me but once, I found it quite impossible the next night to say it correctly.  Of course, I was compelled to go without my supper.  This may seem a light punishment to those who have enough to eat—­who sit down to a full table, and satisfy their appetite three times per day, but to a nun, who is allowed only enough to sustain life, it is quite a different thing.  And especially to a child, this mode of punishment is more severe, and harder to bear than almost any other.  I thought I would take good care not to be punished in that way again; but I little knew what was before me.

Before the Superior left us she assisted me into bed, and bade me be very still until the second bell in the morning.  Then, I must rise and dress as quickly as possible, and go to her room.  Quietness, she enjoined upon me as a virtue, while the least noise, or disturbance of any kind, would be punished as a crime.  She said I must walk very softly indeed along the halls, and close the doors so carefully that not a sound could be heard.  After giving me these first instructions in convent life, she left me, and I was allowed to sleep the rest of the night.

The next morning, I awoke at the ringing of the first bell, but I did not dare to stir until the second bell, when the other little girls arose in great haste.  I then dressed as quickly as possible, but not a word was spoken —­not a thought, and scarcely a look exchanged.  I was truly “alone amid a crowd,” and I felt the utter loneliness of my situation most keenly.  Yet I saw very clearly that there was but one course for me to pursue, and that was, to obey in all things; to have no will of my own, and thus, if possible, escape punishment.  But it was hard, very hard for me to bring my mind to this.  I had been the idolized child of affection too long to submit readily and patiently to the privations I was now forced to endure.  Hitherto my will had been law.  I had naturally an imperious, violent temper, which I had never been taught to govern.  Instead of this, my appetites were pampered, my passions indulged, and every desire gratified as far as possible.  Until that last sad parting, I hardly knew what it was to have a request refused; and now, to experience such a change—­such a sudden transition from the most liberal indulgence to the most cruel and rigorous self-denial—­Oh, it was a severe trial to my independent spirit to submit to it.  Yet, submit I must, for I had learned, even then, that my newly appointed guardians were not to be trifled with.  Henceforth, obedience must be my motto.  To every command, however cruel and unjust, I must yield a blind, passive, and unquestioning obedience.