Mitchener.  Silence.  Attention.  Right about face.  March.

The orderly (retiring to the standing desk and bedewing it with passionate tears).  Oh that I should have lived to be spoke to as if I was the lowest of the low.  Me! that has shaved a City of London aldermen wiv me own hand.

Mitchener.  Poltroon.  Crybaby.  Well, better disgrace yourself here than disgrace your country on the field of battle.

The orderly (angrily coming to the table).  Whos going to disgrace his country on the field of battle?  Its not fightin I object to:  its soljerin.  Show me a German and Ill have a go at him as fast as you or any man.  But to ave me time wasted like this, an be stuck in a sentry box at a street corner for an ornament to be stared at; and to be told “right about face:  march” if I speak as one man to another:  that aint pluck:  that aint fightin:  that aint patriotism:  its bein made a bloomin sheep of.

Mitchener.  A sheep has many valuable military qualities.  Emulate them:  dont disparage them.

The orderly.  Oh, wots the good of talkin to you?  If I wasnt a poor soldier I could punch your head for forty shillins for a month.  But because youre my commanding officer you deprive me of my right to a magistrate and make a compliment of giving me two years ard sted of shootin me.  Why cant you take your chance the same as any civilian does?

Mitchener (rising majestically).  I search the pages of history in vain for a parallel to such a speech made by a Private to a general.  But for the coherence of your remarks I should conclude that you were drunk.  As it is, you must be mad.  You shall be placed under restraint at once.  Call the guard.

The orderly.  Call your grandmother.  If you take one man off the doors the place’ll be full of Suffragets before you can wink.

Mitchener.  Then arrest yourself; and off with you to the guardroom.

The orderly.  What am I to arrest myself for?

Mitchener.  Thats nothing to you.  You have your orders:  obey them. 
Do you hear?  Right about face.  March.

The orderly.  How would you feel yourself if you was told to right-about-face and march as if you was a doormat?

Mitchener.  I should feel as if my country had spoken through the voice of my officer.  I should feel proud and honored to be able to serve my country by obeying its commands.  No thought of self—­ no vulgar preoccupation with my own petty vanity could touch my mind at such a moment.  To me my officer would not be a mere man:  he would be for the moment—­whatever his personal frailties—­the incarnation of our national destiny.

The orderly.  What Im saying to you is the voice of old England a jolly sight more than all this rot that you get out of books.  Id rather be spoke to by a sergeant than by you.  He tells me to go to hell when I challenges him to argue it out like a man.  It aint polite; but its English.  What you say aint anything at all.  You dont act on it yourself.  You dont believe in it.  Youd punch my head if I tried it on you; and serve me right.  And look here.  Heres another point for you to argue.