I am an architect; and what is it I am not?  There is nothing in nature hidden from me.  Your deceased father, to whose memory I pay a tribute of tears every time I think of him, was fully convinced of my merit; he was fond of me, and spoke of me in all companies as the first man in the world.  Out of gratitude and friendship for him, I am willing to attach myself to you, to take you under my protection, and guard you from all the evils that your stars may threaten.”

When I heard all this jargon, I could not forbear laughing, notwithstanding my anger.  “You impertinent prattler!” said I, “will you have done, and begin to shave me?”

“Sir,” replied the barber, “you affront me in calling me a prattler; on the contrary, all the world gives me the honourable title of Silent.  I had six brothers, whom you might justly have called prattlers.  These indeed were impertinent chatterers, but for me, who am a younger brother, I am grave and concise in my discourse.”

For God’s sake, gentlemen, do but suppose you had been in my place.  What could I say when I saw myself so cruelly delayed?  “Give him three pieces of gold,” said I to the slave who was my housekeeper, “and send him away, that he may disturb me no more; I will not be shaved this day.”  “Sir,” said the barber, “pray what do you mean?  I did not come to seek for you, you sent for me; and as that is the case I swear by the faith of a Moosulmaun, I will not stir out of these doors till I have shaved you.  If you do not know my value, it is not my fault.  Your deceased father did me more justice.  Every time he sent for me to let him blood, he made me sit down by him, and was charmed with hearing what witty things I said.  I kept him in a continual strain of admiration; I elevated him; and when I had finished my discourse, ‘My God,’ he would exclaim, ‘you are an inexhaustible source of science, no man can reach the depth of your knowledge.’ ‘My dear sir,’ I would answer, ‘you do me more honour than deserve.  If I say anything that is worth hearing, it is owing to the favourable audience you vouchsafe me; it is your liberality that inspires me with the sublime thoughts which have the happiness to please you.’  One day, when he was charmed with an admirable discourse I had made him, he said, ‘Give him a hundred pieces of gold, and invest him with one of my richest robes.’  I instantly received the present.  I then drew his horoscope, and found it the happiest in the world.  Nav.  I carried my gratitude further; I let him blood with cupping-glasses.”

This was not all; he spun out another harangue that was a full half hour long.  Tired with hearing him, and fretted at the loss of time, which was almost spent before I was half ready, I did not know what to say.  “It is impossible,” I exclaimed, “there should be such another man in the world who takes pleasure, as you do, in making people mad.”