Alick.  What are you doing, Maggie?

Maggie.  This is the House of Commons, and I’m John, catching the Speaker’s eye for the first time.  Do you see a queer little old wifie sitting away up there in the Ladies’ Gallery?  That’s me.  ’Mr. Speaker, sir, I rise to make my historic maiden speech.  I am no orator, sir’; voice from Ladies’ Gallery, ’Are you not, John? you’ll soon let them see that’; cries of ‘Silence, woman,’ and general indignation.  ’Mr. Speaker, sir, I stand here diffidently with my eyes on the Treasury Bench’; voice from the Ladies’ Gallery, ’And you’ll soon have your coat-tails on it, John’; loud cries of ’Remove that little old wifie,’ in which she is forcibly ejected, and the honourable gentleman resumes his seat in a torrent of admiring applause.

[Alick and David waggle their proud heads.]

John [tolerantly].  Maggie, Maggie.

Maggie.  You’re not angry with me, John?

John.  No, no.

Maggie.  But you glowered.

John.  I was thinking of Sir Peregrine.  Just because I beat him at the poll he took a shabby revenge; he congratulated me in French, a language I haven’t taken the trouble to master.

Maggie [becoming a little taller].  Would it help you, John, if you were to marry a woman that could speak French?

David [quickly].  Not at all.

Maggie [gloriously].  Mon cher Jean, laissez-moi parler le francais, voulez-vous un interprete?

John.  Hullo!

Maggie.  Je suis la soeur francaise de mes deux freres ecossais.

David [worshipping her].  She’s been learning French.

John [lightly].  Well done.

Maggie [grandly].  They’re arriving.

Alick.  Who?

Maggie.  Our guests.  This is London, and Mrs. John Shand is giving her first reception. [Airily] Have I told you, darling, who are coming to-night?  There’s that dear Sir Peregrine. [To Alick] Sir Peregrine, this is a pleasure.  Avez-vous...So sorry we beat you at the poll.

John.  I’m doubting the baronet would sit on you, Maggie.

Maggie.  I’ve invited a lord to sit on the baronet.  Voila!

David [delighted].  You thing!  You’ll find the lords expensive.

Maggie.  Just a little cheap lord. [James enters importantly.] My dear
Lord Cheap, this is kind of you.

[James hopes that MAGGIE’s reason is not unbalanced.]

David [who really ought to have had education].  How de doo, Cheap?

James [bewildered].  Maggie—–­

Maggie.  Yes, do call me Maggie.

Alick [grinning].  She’s practising her first party, James.  The swells are at the door.

James [heavily].  That’s what I came to say.  They are at the door.