“Mors communis omnibus!” whispered B___d, and----

I had written thus far, when spit—­spit—­splutter—­plop!—­my end of candle slipped into the blacking bottle in which it was “sustained,” and I was left to admire—­the stars of night, and to observe that “Charles’s wain was over the chimney;” so I threw down my pen—­and, as the house was a-bed—­and I am naturally of a “retiring” disposition, I sought my pallet—­dreaming of literary fame!—­although, in the matter of what might be in store for me, I was completely in the dark!

AN INTERCEPTED LETTER FROM DICK SLAMMER TO HIS FRIEND SAM FLYKE.

eppin-toosday

my dear sam

i’ve rote this ere for to let you no i’m in jolly good health and harty as a brick—­and hope my tulip as your as vell——­read this to sal who can’t do the same herself seeing as her edication aintt bin in that line ——­give her my love and tell her to take care o’ the kids.——­i’ve got a silk vipe for sal, tell her; and suffing for ’em all, for i’ve made a xlent spec o’ the woy’ge and bagg’d some tin too i can tell you; and vont ve have a blow out ven i cums amung you——­napps——­that’s the ass——­is particklar vell and as dun his dooty like a riq’lar flint——­

i rode too races ar’ needn’t say as i vun em for napps is a houtanhouter an no mistake!

lork! didn’t i make the natifs stare! and a gintlum as vos by, vanted to oan ’im an oferd any blunt for im but walker! says i there aint sick a ass as this ’ere hanimal in the hole country——­besides he’s like as vun o’ me oan famly, for i’ve brot im up in a manner from the time he vos a babby!——­he’s up to a move or too and knows my voice jist for all the world like a Chrissen.

Red-nose Bill vot had a nook ’em down here brings this and he’ll tell you all about the noose——­i shall foller in about, a veek or so——­tell sal to keep up her sperrits and not to lush vith Bet——­i dont like that ere ooman at all——­a idle wagabone as is going to the Union like vinkin——­i’m no temperens cove meself as you nose, sam, but enufs enuf and as good as a feast.

The gintry as taken hervite a likin to Napps and me——­they looks upon im as hervite a projidy——­for he’s licked all the donkies as run agin im——­the vimmen too——­(you no my insinnivating vay, sam,) and nobody nose better than me how to git the right sow by the ear——­no sooner do i see ’em a comin vith their kids, than i slips of and doffs my tile, an i says, says i——­do let the yung jentlum have a cast——­and then the little in coorse begins a plegyin the old ’uns, and——­so the jobs done!

——­vot’s to pay, my good man? says she

——­oh——­nothink, marm, says i, as modest as a turnip new-peeld——­napps is a rig’lar racer——­i dont let im hout but i’m so fond o’ children!

——­this here Yummeree doos the bisnis prime, for the vimmen comes over the jentlum and a pus is made up for anuther race——­and in coorse i pockits the Bibs——­cos vy?——­napps is nothink but a good ’un.