’HERE RESTS CAIUS POMPEIUS TRIMALCHIO, PATRON OF THE LEARNED. A TROOP
OF HORSE WAS DECREED HIM, WITHOUT SUING FOR, AND MIGHT HAVE BEEN A
SENATOR WOULD HE HAVE ACCEPTED IT.  A PIOUS MAN, HONEST, VALIANT, AND
TRUE TO HIS FRIEND.  HE RAISED HIMSELF FROM LITTLE OR NOTHING, BUT
LEFT BEHIND HIM A PRODIGIOUS ESTATE, YET NEVER HEARD A PHILOSOPHER. 
FAREWELL TO YOU ALSO.’”

This said, Trimalchio wept plentifully, Fortunata wept, Habinas wept, and the whole family set up a cry as it had been his funeral; nay, I also whin’d for company:  when, quoth Trimalchio, “Since you know we must die, why don’t we live while we may? so let me live my self to see you happy; as, if we plunge our selves in the bath we shall not repent it:  At my peril be it; I’ll lead the way, for this room is grown as hot as an oven.”  “Say you so,” quoth Habinas, “nor am I afraid to make two days of one”; and therewith got up barefoot and follow’d Trimalchio.

I on the other hand turning to Ascyltos, asked him what he thought of it, for “if I but see the bath I shall swoon away.”

“Let’s lagg behind then,” said he, “and whilst they are getting in, we’ll slip off in the crowd.”

The contrivance pleased us; and so Gito leading the way through the portico, we came to the last gate, where a chained dog bolted upon us so furiously, that Ascyltos fell into the fishpond.  I, who had been frighted at the painted dog, and now gotten as drunk as Ascyltos, while I endeavoured to get hold of him, fell in my self; at last the porter’s coming in saved us, for he quieted the dog and drew us out; but Gito, like a sharp rascal, delivered himself, for whatever had been given him at supper to carry home with him, he threw it the dog, and that mollified him.

But, when shivering with cold, we desired the porter to let us out:  “You’re mistaken,” said he, “if ye think to go out the same way ye came in, for no guest ere yet did; they came in at one gate and are let out by another.”

In this sad pickle, what should we do? we found ourselves in a new kind of labyrinth, and for bathing, we’d enough of it already:  However, necessity enforcing us, we pray’d him to show us the way to the bath:  and Gito having hung out our cloaths a drying in the porch, we entred the bath, which was somewhat narrow, and sunk in the earth, not unlike a rainwater cistern; in this stood Trimalchio stark-naked:  Nor could we avoid his filthy tricks; for he said, nothing was better than to bathe in a crowd; and that every place had in times past been a grinding-house.  Being weary at length, he sate down, and provok’d by the noisiness of the bath, set up his drunken throat, and fell a murdering some songs of Menecrates, as they that understood him told us.

Other guests ran round the cistern with their arms across, and made a clamorous slap with their mouths; others either try’d to take up a ring from the pavement, with their hands bound behind them, or putting one knee to the ground, to kiss their great toes backward.