The general.  Well, sir, those clubs consist of snobs; and you are a jumping, bounding, prancing, snorting snob yourself.

The bishop [amused, but hospitably remonstrant] My dear Boxer!

Hotchkiss [delighted] How kind of you to say so, General!  Youre quite right:  I am a snob.  Why not?  The whole strength of England lies in the fact that the enormous majority of the English people are snobs.  They insult poverty.  They despise vulgarity.  They love nobility.  They admire exclusiveness.  They will not obey a man risen from the ranks.  They never trust one of their own class.  I agree with them.  I share their instincts.  In my undergraduate days I was a Republican-a Socialist.  I tried hard to feel toward a common man as I do towards a duke.  I couldnt.  Neither can you.  Well, why should we be ashamed of this aspiration towards what is above us?  Why dont I say that an honest man’s the noblest work of God?  Because I dont think so.  If he’s not a gentleman, I dont care whether he’s honest or not:  I shouldnt let his son marry my daughter.  And thats the test, mind.  Thats the test.  You feel as I do.  You are a snob in fact:  I am a snob, not only in fact, but on principle.  I shall go down in history, not as the first snob, but as the first avowed champion of English snobbery, and its first martyr in the army.  The navy boasts two such martyrs in Captains Kirby and Wade, who were shot for refusing to fight under Admiral Benbow, a promoted cabin boy.  I have always envied them their glory.

The general.  As a British General, Sir, I have to inform you that if any officer under my command violated the sacred equality of our profession by putting a single jot of his duty or his risk on the shoulders of the humblest drummer boy, I’d shoot him with my own hand.

Hotchkiss.  That sentiment is not your equality, General, but your superiority.  Ask the Bishop. [He seats himself on the edge of the table].

The bishop.  I cant support you, Sinjon.  My profession also compels me to turn my back on snobbery.  You see, I have to do such a terribly democratic thing to every child that is brought to me.  Without distinction of class I have to confer on it a rank so high and awful that all the grades in Debrett and Burke seem like the medals they give children in Infant Schools in comparison.  I’m not allowed to make any class distinction.  They are all soldiers and servants, not officers and masters.

Hotchkiss.  Ah, youre quoting the Baptism service.  Thats not a bit real, you know.  If I may say so, you would both feel so much more at peace with yourselves if you would acknowledge and confess your real convictions.  You know you dont really think a Bishop the equal of a curate, or a lieutenant in a line regiment the equal of a general.

The bishop.  Of course I do.  I was a curate myself.