Mrs Bridgenorth reads placidly:  Collins counts:  a blackbird sings in the garden.  Mrs Bridgenorth puts The Times down in her lap and considers Collins for a moment.

Mrs Bridgenorth.  Do you never feel nervous on these occasions, Collins?

Collins.  Lord bless you, no, maam.  It would be a joke, after marrying five of your daughters, if I was to get nervous over marrying the last of them.

Mrs Bridgenorth.  I have always said you were a wonderful man, Collins.

Collins [almost blushing] Oh, maam!

Mrs Bridgenorth.  Yes.  I never could arrange anything—­a wedding or even dinner—­without some hitch or other.

Collins.  Why should you give yourself the trouble, maam?  Send for the greengrocer, maam:  thats the secret of easy housekeeping.  Bless you, it’s his business.  It pays him and you, let alone the pleasure in a house like this [Mrs Bridgenorth bows in acknowledgment of the compliment].  They joke about the greengrocer, just as they joke about the mother-in-law.  But they cant get on without both.

Mrs Bridgenorth.  What a bond between us, Collins!

Collins.  Bless you, maam, theres all sorts of bonds between all sorts of people.  You are a very affable lady, maam, for a Bishop’s lady.  I have known Bishop’s ladies that would fairly provoke you to up and cheek them; but nobody would ever forget himself and his place with you, maam.

Mrs Bridgenorth.  Collins:  you are a flatterer.  You will superintend the breakfast yourself as usual, of course, wont you?

Collins.  Yes, yes, bless you, maam, of course.  I always do.  Them fashionable caterers send down such people as I never did set eyes on.  Dukes you would take them for.  You see the relatives shaking hands with them and asking them about the family—­ actually ladies saying “Where have we met before?” and all sorts of confusion.  Thats my secret in business, maam.  You can always spot me as the greengrocer.  It’s a fortune to me in these days, when you cant hardly tell who any one is or isnt. [He goes out through the tower, and immediately returns for a moment to announce] The General, maam.

Mrs Bridgenorth rises to receive her brother-in-law, who enters resplendent in full-dress uniform, with many medals and orders.  General Bridgenorth is a well set up man of fifty, with large brave nostrils, an iron mouth, faithful dog’s eyes, and much natural simplicity and dignity of character.  He is ignorant, stupid, and prejudiced, having been carefully trained to be so; and it is not always possible to be patient with him when his unquestionably good intentions become actively mischievous; but one blames society, not himself, for this.  He would be no worse a man than Collins, had he enjoyed Collins’s social opportunities.  He comes to the hearth, where Mrs Bridgenorth is standing with her back to the fireplace.