“Not at all, most certainly not at all,” Melissa sympathetically assured him.  He, however, went on: 

“Yet what I endured meanwhile!—­and while I passed so many long weeks of pain and impatience on a couch, the words my mother had said about the brother whom I murdered rang constantly in my ears as though a reciter were engaged by day and night to reiterate them.

“But even this passed away.  With the pain, which had spoiled many good hours for me, the quiet had brought me something more to the purpose-thoughts and plans.  Yes, during those peaceful weeks the things my father and tutor had taught me became clear and real for the first time.  I realized that I must become energetic if I meant ever to be a thorough sovereign.  As soon as I could use my foot again I became an industrious and docile pupil under Cilo.  From a child up to the time of this cruel experience, my youthful heart had clung to my nurse.  She was a Christian from my father’s African home—­I knew she loved me best on earth.  My mother knew of no higher destiny than that of being the Domna,—­[Domna, lady or mistress, in corrupt Latin.  Hence her name of Julia Domna] the lady of the soldiers, the mother of the camp, and the lady philosopher among the sages.  What she gave me in the way of love was but copper alms.  She threw golden solidi of love into Geta’s lap in lavish abundance.  And her sister and her nieces, who often lived with us, treated me exactly as she did.  They were distantly civil, or they shunned me; but my brother was their spoiled plaything.  I was as incapable as Geta was master of the art of stealing hearts; but in my childhood I needed none of them:  for, if I wished for a kind word, a sweet kiss, or the love of a woman, my nurse’s arms were open to me.  Nor was she an ordinary woman.  As the widow of a tribune who had fallen in my father’s service, she had undertaken to attend on me.  She loved me as no one else ever did.  She was also the only person whom I would willingly obey.  I came into the world full of wild instincts, but she knew how to tame them kindly.  My aversion to my brother was the one thing she checked but feebly, for he was a thorn in her side too.  I learned this when she, who was so gentle, explained to me, with asperity in her tone, that there was but one God in heaven, and on earth but one emperor, who should govern the world in his name.  She also imparted these convictions to others, and this turned to her disadvantage.  My mother parted us, and sent her back to her African home.  She died soon after.”  He was silent, and gazed pensively into vacancy; soon, however, he collected his thoughts and said, lightly: 

“Well, I became Cilo’s diligent pupil.”

“But,” asked Melissa, “did you not say that at one time you attempted his life?”