She knelt down and folded her hands, as she had so often seen Christians do, and she reflected on the torments that the poor Man, who hung with pierced hands on the cross, had so meekly endured, though He suffered innocently; she felt the deepest pity for Him, and softly said to herself, as she raised her eyes to the low roof of her cave-dwelling: 

“Thou poor good Son of God, Thou knowest what it is when all men condemn us unjustly, and surely, Thou canst understand when I say to Thee how sore my poor heart is!  And they say too, that of all hearts Thine is the most loving, and so thou wilt know how it is that, in spite of all my misery, it still seems to me that I am a happy woman.  The very breath of a God must be rapture, and that Thou too must have learned when they tortured and mocked Thee, for Thou halt suffered out of love.  They say, that Thou wast wholly pure and perfectly sinless.  Now I—­I have committed many follies, but not a sin—­a real sin—­no, indeed, I have not; and Thou must know it, for Thou art a God, and knowest the past, and canst read hearts.  And, indeed, I also would fain remain innocent, and yet how can that be when I cannot help being devoted to Polykarp, and yet I am another man’s wife.  But am I indeed the true and lawful wife of that horrible wretch who sold me to another?  He is as far from my heart —­as far as if I had never seen him with these eyes.  And yet—­believe me—­I wish him no ill, and I will be quite content, if only I need never go back to him.

“When I was a child, I was afraid of frogs; my brothers and sisters knew it, and once my brother Licinius laid a large one, that he had caught, on my bare neck.  I started, and shuddered, and screamed out loud, for it was so hideously cold and damp—­I cannot express it.  And that is exactly how I have always felt since those days in Rome whenever Phoebicius touched me, and yet I dared not scream when he did.

“But Polykarp! oh! would that he were here, and might only grasp my hand.  He said I was his own, and yet I have never encouraged him.  But now! if a danger threatened him or a sorrow, and if by any means I could save him from it, indeed—­indeed—­though I never could bear pain well, and am afraid of death, I would let them nail me to a cross for him, as Thou wast crucified for us all.

“But then he must know that I had died for him, and if he looked into my dying eyes with his strange, deep gaze, I would tell him that it is to him that I owe a love so great that it is a thing altogether different and higher than any love I have ever before seen.  And a feeling that is so far above all measure of what ordinary mortals experience, it seems to me, must be divine.  Can such love be wrong?  I know not; but Thou knowest, and Thou, whom they name the Good Shepherd, lead Thou us—­ each apart from the other, if it be best so for him—­but yet, if it be possible, unite us once more, if it be only for one single hour.  If only he could know that I am not wicked, and that poor Sirona would willingly belong to him, and to no other, then I would be ready to die.  O Thou good, kind Shepherd, take me too into Thy flock, and guide me.”