Brief as it was, it breathed an almost lover-like fondness and happiness.  She enjoyed her first exultant thrill at her sense of power as she comprehended that he had gone to his work that day a stronger and more hopeful man.

She went out to do her shopping, and was soon in a Broadway temple of fashion, but found that she was no longer a worshipper.  A week before the beautiful fabrics would have absorbed her mind and awakened intense desires, for she had a passion for dress, and few knew how to make more of it than she.  But a new and stronger passion was awakening.  She was made to feel at last that she had not only a woman’s lovely form and features, but a woman’s mind.  Now she began to dream of triumphs through the latter, and her growing thought was how to achieve them.  Not that she was indifferent to her costume; it should be like the soldier’s accoutrements; her mind the weapon.

As is common with the young to whom any great impulse or new, deep experience comes, she was absorbed by it, and could think of little else.  She went over her father’s words again and again, dwelling on the last utterance, which had contained the truth uppermost in all that he had said,—­“Develop the best in your own nature naturally.”

What was her own nature, her starting-point?  Her introspection was not very reassuring.  She felt that perhaps the most hopeful indication was her strong rebound from what she at last recognized as mean and unworthy.  She also had a little natural curiosity and vanity to see if her face was changing with changing motives.  Was there such a difference between prettiness and beauty?  She was perfectly sure she would rather be beautiful than pretty.

Her mirror revealed a perplexed young face, suggesting interrogation-points.  The day was ending as it had begun, with a dissatisfaction as to the past, amounting almost to disgust, and with fears, queries, and uncertainties concerning the future.  How should she take up life again?  How should she go on with it?

More importunate still was the question, “What has the future in store for me and for those I love?  Papa spoke of danger; and when I think of his resolute face, I know that nothing in the line of duty will daunt him.  He said that it might not be kindness to leave me in my old, blind, unthinking ignorance,—­that a blow, shattering everything, might come, finding us all unprepared.  Oh, why don’t mamma feel and see more?  We have been just like comfortable passengers on a ship, while papa was facing we knew not what.  I may not be of much use, but I feel now as if I wanted to be with him.  To stay below with scarcely any other motive than to have a good time, and then to be paralyzed, helpless, when some shock of trouble comes, now seems silly and weak to the last degree.  I am only too glad that I came to my senses in time, for if anything should happen to papa, and I had to remember all my days that I had never been much to him, and had left him to meet the stress of life and danger alone, I am sure I should be wretched from self-reproach.”