It makes a considerable difference as to the suitability of a marriage whether a man marries above or beneath him.  The former case is quite contrary to reason, the latter is more in conformity with reason.  As the family is only connected with society through its head, it is the rank of that head which decides that of the family as a whole.  When he marries into a lower rank, a man does not lower himself, he raises his wife; if, on the other hand, he marries above his position, he lowers his wife and does not raise himself.  Thus there is in the first case good unmixed with evil, in the other evil unmixed with good.  Moreover, the law of nature bids the woman obey the man.  If he takes a wife from a lower class, natural and civil law are in accordance and all goes well.  When he marries a woman of higher rank it is just the opposite case; the man must choose between diminished rights or imperfect gratitude; he must be ungrateful or despised.  Then the wife, laying claim to authority, makes herself a tyrant over her lawful head; and the master, who has become a slave, is the most ridiculous and miserable of creatures.  Such are the unhappy favourites whom the sovereigns of Asia honour and torment with their alliance; people tell us that if they desire to sleep with their wife they must enter by the foot of the bed.

I expect that many of my readers will remember that I think women have a natural gift for managing men, and will accuse me of contradicting myself; yet they are mistaken.  There is a vast difference between claiming the right to command, and managing him who commands.  Woman’s reign is a reign of gentleness, tact, and kindness; her commands are caresses, her threats are tears.  She should reign in the home as a minister reigns in the state, by contriving to be ordered to do what she wants.  In this sense, I grant you, that the best managed homes are those where the wife has most power.  But when she despises the voice of her head, when she desires to usurp his rights and take the command upon herself, this inversion of the proper order of things leads only to misery, scandal, and dishonour.

There remains the choice between our equals and our inferiors; and I think we ought also to make certain restrictions with regard to the latter; for it is hard to find in the lowest stratum of society a woman who is able to make a good man happy; not that the lower classes are more vicious than the higher, but because they have so little idea of what is good and beautiful, and because the injustice of other classes makes its very vices seem right in the eyes of this class.