“The greatest possible happiness in marriage depends on so many points of agreement that it is folly to expect to secure them all.  We must first consider the more important matters; if others are to be found along with them, so much the better; if not we must do without them.  Perfect happiness is not to be found in this world, but we can, at least, avoid the worst form of unhappiness, that for which ourselves are to blame.

“There is a natural suitability, there is a suitability of established usage, and a suitability which is merely conventional.  Parents should decide as to the two latters, and the children themselves should decide as to the former.  Marriages arranged by parents only depend on a suitability of custom and convention; it is not two people who are united, but two positions and two properties; but these things may change, the people remain, they are always there; and in spite of fortune it is the personal relation that makes a happy or an unhappy marriage.

“Your mother had rank, I had wealth; this was all that our parents considered in arranging our marriage.  I lost my money, she lost her position; forgotten by her family, what good did it do her to be a lady born?  In the midst of our misfortunes, the union of our hearts has outweighed them all; the similarity of our tastes led us to choose this retreat; we live happily in our poverty, we are all in all to each other.  Sophy is a treasure we hold in common, and we thank Heaven which has bestowed this treasure and deprived us of all others.  You see, my child, whither we have been led by Providence; the conventional motives which brought about our marriage no longer exist, our happiness consists in that natural suitability which was held of no account.

“Husband and wife should choose each other.  A mutual liking should be the first bond between them.  They should follow the guidance of their own eyes and hearts; when they are married their first duty will be to love one another, and as love and hatred do not depend on ourselves, this duty brings another with it, and they must begin to love each other before marriage.  That is the law of nature, and no power can abrogate it; those who have fettered it by so many legal restrictions have given heed rather to the outward show of order than to the happiness of marriage or the morals of the citizen.  You see, my dear Sophy, we do not preach a harsh morality.  It tends to make you your own mistress and to make us leave the choice of your husband to yourself.

“When we have told you our reasons for giving you full liberty, it is only fair to speak of your reasons for making a wise use of that liberty.  My child, you are good and sensible, upright and pious, you have the accomplishments of a good woman and you are not altogether without charms; but you are poor; you have the gifts most worthy of esteem, but not those which are most esteemed.  Do not seek what is beyond your reach, and let your ambition be controlled,