of how I should grow old in my country parish!
Do not think that I wish or intend to be egotistical,
my friendly reader. I describe these feelings
and fancies because I think this is the likeliest
way in which to reach and describe your own. There
was a rapid little stream that flowed, in a very lonely
place, between the highway and a cottage to which
I often went to see a poor old woman; and when I came
out of the cottage, having made sure that no one saw
me, I always took a great leap over the little stream,
which saved going round a little way. And never
once, for several years, did I thus cross it without
seeing a picture as clear to the mind’s eye
as Mansie Wauch’s—a picture which
made me walk very thoughtfully along for the next
mile or two. It was curious to think how one
was to get through the accustomed duty after having
grown old and frail. The day would come when the
brook could be crossed in that brisk fashion no more.
It must be an odd thing for the parson to walk as
an old man into the pulpit, still his own, which was
his own when he was a young man of six-and-twenty.
What a crowd of old remembrances must be present each
Sunday to the clergyman’s mind, who has served
the same parish and preached in the same church for
fifty years! Personal identity, continued through
the successive stages of life, is a common-place thing
to think of; but when it is brought home to your own
case and feeling, it is a very touching and a very
bewildering thing. There are the same trees and
hills as when you were a boy; and when each of us comes
to his last days in this world, how short a space it
will seem since we were little children! Let
us humbly hope, that, in that brief space parting
the cradle from the grave, we may (by help from above)
have accomplished a certain work which will cast its
blessed influence over all the years and all the ages
before us. Yet it remains a strange thing to
look forward and to see yourself with grey hair, and
not much even of that; to see your wife an old woman,
and your little boy or girl grown up into manhood or
womanhood. It is more strange still to fancy you
see them all going on as usual in the round of life,
and you no longer among them. You see your empty
chair. There is your writing-table and your inkstand;
there are your books, not so carefully arranged as
they used to be; perhaps,—on the whole,
less indication than you might have hoped that they
miss you. All this is strange when you bring
it home to your own case; and that hundreds of millions
have felt the like makes it none the less strange
to you. The commonplaces of life and death are
not commonplace when they befall ourselves. It
was in desperate hurry and agitation that Mansie Waueh
saw his vision; and in like circumstances you may
have yours too. But for the most part such moods
come in leisure—in saunterings through
the autumn woods—in reveries by the winter
fire.