CHAPTER L

FAREWELL TO GORDON’S

I cannot bear to recall my misery of mind after Mr. Swain’s death.  One hope had lightened all the years of my servitude.  For, when I examined my soul, I knew that it was for Dorothy I had laboured.  And every letter that came from Comyn telling me she was still free gave me new heart for my work.  By some mystic communion—­I know not what—­I felt that she loved me yet, and despite distance and degree.  I would wake of a morning with the knowledge of it, and be silent for half the day with some particle of a dream in my head, lingering like the burden of a song with its train of memories.

So, in the days that followed, I scarce knew myself.  For a while (I shame to write it) I avoided that sweet woman who had made my comfort her care, whose father had taken me when I was homeless.  The good in me cried out, but the flesh rebelled.

Poor Patty!  Her grief for her father was pathetic to see.  Weeks passed in which she scarcely spoke a word.  And I remember her as she sat in church Sundays, the whiteness of her face enhanced by the crape she wore, and a piteous appeal in her gray eyes.  My own agony was nigh beyond endurance, my will swinging like a pendulum from right to wrong, and back again.  Argue as I might that I had made the barrister no promise, conscience allowed no difference.  I was in despair at the trick fate had played me; at the decree that of all women I must love her whose sphere was now so far removed from mine.  For Patty had character and beauty, and every gift which goes to make man’s happiness and to kindle his affections.

Her sorrow left her more womanly than ever.  And after the first sharp sting of it was deadened, I noticed a marked reserve in her intercourse with me.  I knew then that she must have strong suspicions of her father’s request.  Speak I could not soon after the sad event, but I strove hard that she should see no change in my conduct.

Before Christmas we went to the Eastern Shore.  In Annapolis fife and drum had taken the place of fiddle and clarion; militia companies were drilling in the empty streets; despatches were arriving daily from the North; and grave gentlemen were hurrying to meetings.  But if the war was to come, I must settle what was to be done at Gordon’s Pride with all possible speed.  It was only a few days after our going there, that I rode into Oxford with a black cockade in my hat Patty had made me, and the army sword Captain Jack had given Captain Daniel at my side.  For I had been elected a lieutenant in the Oxford company, of which Percy Singleton was captain.